life begins on the beach

This morning I woke up early, put on my favorite pink sweats and my new sneakers. I filled up my favorite mug with hot tea and walked down to the beach. I walked about half a mile, and sat down to watch the remainder of the sunrise.

I could see just a little light peeking through the gray clouds. Sitting down on the cement and granite steps, I propped up my phone and put on the time lapse camera. I wanted to film it, but thought it more important to just be in the moment. So glad I did that, it was so much more vibrant in real life. Not to say the video isn’t awesome though! Here it is:

While watching this, I noticed the cloud cover that kept trying to keep the sun at bay. I started to think about the clouds in my life, the stress, difficult relationships, depression, and all the worries that bog me down. I picture the sun as my true and best self trying to push aside the clouds, struggling to break through and shine.

Sometimes the clouds are easily swept aside. Other days, they are more persistent and block the way. But the sun always rises, it always shines through.

Your true self will always shine through the darkest clouds, and now and then, you’ll have some cloudless skies where you feel like you can be yourself. On the cloudy days, keep shining, because the clouds will pass. Besides, sunlight passing through clouds can make for some colorful skies and even rainbows!

I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, I’ve got a thing for the ocean. It’s funny, when I was a kid, I hated everything about the ocean. I’d moan and groan about the smell the most! Now it’s a smell I enjoy, and look forward to.

I have taken little trips to the ocean over the past couple of years, either by myself, or with my family. I have found a few things about these getaways to be healing for me. I’ll tell you why the ocean is my favorite prescription!

• Getting out of my day-to-day environment motivates me to get out of my routine, allowing for new patterns and habit changes. It also removes cues that encourage me to overthink and wallow.
• The open sky and vast water remind me that there is something so much bigger than myself out there. I’m in awe at the power of the waves and the limitless horizon. Puts my woes in perspective.
• Alone time with no chores, therefore no guilt about said chores, allows me to feel my feelings in my own way, in my own time, and promotes healing.
• The ocean energizes me, and so I exercise more when I’m here. And exercise is perfect for my anxiety ridden and depressed state, providing much needed endorphins!
• Time seems to stop when I’m at the ocean, walking on the beach or even just sitting near shore. The back and forth of the waves and water slow my mind, my breathing, and soothe me.
• There is also the negative ions that give me a boost…when the waves crash, negative ions are released and increase the flow of oxygen to the brain. Learn more about negative ions here

There you have it…my seat here on the beach is getting chilly!

I received an email last week about a book program, the coordinator is trying to spend the grant money by the end of 2018, having trouble, is anyone interested in being part of it…well, we’ve all been incredibly busy but I decided that free books…why not?! So I read the information, didn’t seem so tough. I just have to present material that I learned in a workshop to families and collect their feedback. They all get free books, and I get a small stipend and professional credit.

I emailed the coordinator and she was so glad to have someone willing to participate in this program last minute. I asked if I could do two of the sessions, and she told me: “You are a Christmas miracle! You’ve made my Monday!”

Turns out she’s been having some personal problems that have left her a little behind at work. She was candid with me…and even though I helped her, she helped me. Here is what she said to me:

I absolutely thank you. To be honest, the last two months have been extremely challenging for me personally and your participation in this program is, like I said before, a surprising gift that alleviates an unbelievable amount of stress for me professionally.

I heard a quote recently and it spoke to me…so I looked it up and it led me to a much longer quote from which it came. It’s beautiful, articulate, but also relatable on so many levels.

I’ve experienced pain throughout my life, both chronic and acute. This helps me to remember that there is something to be gained or learned from pain. But I’ve also learned that sometimes the pain is an indicator of self sacrifice and love, and sometimes it’s the voice of your conscience saying that you are doing the right thing. If only it came with a little discipline…doing the painful and right thing is tough, especially when making a choice. And sometimes, the choice is made for us, and there’s nothing we can do but muddle through it and take control of the little things in our life.

And here are my tips on how to move through emotional pain, partly for any of you, but also to remind myself:

• Let yourself feel it
• Lean on the people in your life
• Give yourself time
• Allow for set backs, and try again
• Search for and cherish the positives
• Be grateful for what was, is and will be
• Think of others, and the impact of your self sacrifice
• Listen to the good things people tell you and believe them

I’m working through some acute pain right now, I’ve officially declared that I’m letting go of my dear friend that I’ve referred to before. I’m letting go for his sake, for the sake of his family and balance in his life, but it hurts. Especially since it’s a choice, and because he and I have had such an impact in each other’s lives, we are both richer for it. I know I’m doing the right thing, but then again, I feel like I’m casting aside one of the best people in my life when I should be holding that person close and cherishing the friendship.

My best friend died. His best friend is in jail. Shouldn’t we honor those friendships by being grateful that we are both here and able to be in each other’s lives?