I have some thoughts, they’ll have to wait though. This article says most of it anyway…bottom line: take time to rejuvenate and rest. Resilience is something we all need, but it needs to be nurtured.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my friends, past and present. Last weeks therapy appointment got me thinking about past patterns of behavior. And I had one of those “aha” moments…
Early rejection left me wary of connecting with people. I would hide myself, make myself small until I had a reason to open up. And then once I did, I was all in, attached to the point of …excess.
That feeling of acceptance and interest became, well becomes, like an addiction at times, and can be detrimental to the relationship in the end. It wasn’t always that way, but I can think of a few specific examples off the top of my head. I don’t always take the time and effort to feel things, when I do though, it’s deeply. I hold on tight and dig in. The closer the connection, the tighter I hold on…And sometimes it’s a good thing…sometimes.
Now that I’m aware of it all these years later, I just have to learn to live with it, making adjustments when I can. As I accept me, hopefully others will too…lucky for me, some already have!
Watching tv last week, I came across The Running Man from 1987, the one with Arnold Schwartzenegger.
In the year 2019, America is a totalitarian state where the favorite television program is “The Running Man” — a game show in which prisoners must run to freedom to avoid a brutal death. Having been made a scapegoat by the government, an imprisoned Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger) has the opportunity to make it back to the outside again by being a contestant on the deadly show, although the twisted host, Damon Killian (Richard Dawson), has no intention of letting him escape.
Anyway, I got caught up in it out of curiosity. It also scared me a bit because certain components rang true, like competition for resources and the culture of greed and instant gratification. I started to kinda freak so I do what I do these days…I found a TED talk!
Britt Way discusses the ways climate change affects your mental health. Common themes between the movie and TED talk: fear, fatalism, hopelessness. Here are the notes I took as I watched, some are quotes as indicated.
As always, I find climate change scary and overwhelming, so I believe that those climate psychiatrists are for real! She closes with the following, and it’s important!
We cannot afford to treat the psychological impacts of climate change as an afterthought (just) because the other issues, of science, technology and politics, and economy, feel hard and while this somehow seems soft.”
I know what she means…the objective content is easier to swallow than the subjective, though no less important.
Update!! Since writing this a couple days ago, I’ve been seeing hearing and reading other things that sparked more…I’m sure you’ve all heard of Greta Thunberg by now…I am so impressed by her. Learn more here
She’s amazing because of the stand she is taking, the lengths she will go to, and the support she is giving, but also, she is showing the world that her diagnosis doesn’t limit her, calling being different a STRENGTH. And she is so right!!
Yesterday morning I was hit by a tidal wave of sadness. I’m talking sobbing and hyperventilating, and throughout the day, moments of tears creeping back into my eyes. It was a challenge to do my job, but after a good cry and some toddler hugs, I was able to pull myself together for a while.
Still feeling overwhelmed at rest time, I decided to ask friends for a little support.
I posted this on Facebook and asked friends to send me their joy. And I’m so glad I did. I was the grateful recipient of kindness, inspiration, and yes, joy!
Some might say I was looking for attention, or having a pity party, and that’s fine. I was having a tough day and collected some good vibes. The joy was shared freely and honestly, and I’m so glad I have people in my life to lift me up now and then!
Doing the right thing is hard sometimes.
You already know what you should do, you just know an easier way.
Just go for it. What are you waiting for?
“I’m young enough…”
“There’s still time…”
“I don’t know what I want to do…”
“It can’t hurt to stay with him/her a little longer…”
“It’s not that bad…”
What are you waiting for? You have an opportunity to do something now, something of your own choosing. So just do it.
And you have the benefit of learning from others…such a gift! Learn from them, learn from me: take your life and shape it to be what you want, and get started now. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, and if you’re lucky, you’ll have the chance to remind yourself of that everyday.
This is my third post resulting from my meeting with Louise, and I found this one hardest to write for some reason…
She says things that I once thought of as cheesy or goofy, and though I’m coming around to her way of thinking, speaking like her is a different story.
So I’m going to give it a try. No, I’m not. I’m just going to do it. Not yet though, I’d like to break it down for you first. She described to me three parts of defining who we are and how to be the best version of ourselves.
What I am…essence and spirit of our being, a gift, sharing, compassion, light, kindness, presence.
What I have…gifts I’ve been given, make up, joy, compassion, unique talents.
What I do…you write, you create, you share. You live a good life as an expression of who you are.
When we hold back who we are, we get depressed, anxious…we have to go back to the beginning, to the source, to be our best self.
It’s funny, because I have always been one to think about my past and value it for shaping me as I am now. Some people say to forget about it and move on, that it doesn’t do any good to dwell on it. And while wallowing isn’t productive, I think reflection is, and I feel like Louise validates that with these words. So here is a glimpse of how I see myself, or define myself, or at least begin to…
What I am…open, vulnerability , fallibility, dedication, anxiety, adoration, pride,
What I have…resilience, hope, creativity, potential, emerging courage, opportunity
What I do…caring for children and families, teaching, parenting, illuminating the strengths of others, listening, sharing, writing, “creating energy and consciousness of goodness and wholeness, and compassion, kindness and sharing” as Louise describes.
This is the essence of who I am and what I am, at least right now in this moment…
When you are struggling, and you talk yourself out of insecurity, self-doubt, and you talk yourself into believing the best of a situation, giving the benefit of the doubt to someone, and then…you find out you were right to do it.
Sometimes, you just have to listen to that cheesy voice in your head trying to pump you up, keep the faith, and believe the best of people, because sometimes, the cheesy voice is right!
So keep listening to yourself…that voice might just be right, and though you won’t always know it for sure, that’s ok.
Because she is not just my mentor, she is a psychologist, and I had just come from therapy, and also, so much of my personal journey is wrapped up in my books…we discussed some of my…stuff. Here is a list of the topics mentioned and her warm and wonderful words that followed:
Where to begin…well, if you haven’t read my rules to live by post, start there please.
I was excited and nervous to meet with her, though both feelings faded quickly upon seeing her. She is very calm and peaceful. She remembered me from years past and gave me a hug right away.
Its funny, only 24 hours later, and I’m having troubling recalling details…not that it wasn’t memorable, but because our meeting was so jam packed with…warmth, joy, gratitude. Right away, she whipped out my children’s book and told me how wonderful it was, especially the artwork (yay Jess). She was moved by the story of kindness, taking risks, compassion and sharing, calling my story a gift. She loves the flow and the wording of the book, and affirmed my choice of using animals to express my message, “the laws of nature, its instinctual in the animal kingdom to work together. [Using] animals in the story removes shame, removes judgement.”
The ultimate reason for the meeting was book 3…she has granted me full permission and is willing to support the process in any way needed. When I asked her about compensation, her response was beautiful:
“Sharing your joy, your compassion, your light is my compensation, watching you get free is my compensation. I live in spirit. I live in light.”
She shared so many things with me that I might just have to list different bits…
There is so much more, but I have to collect my many thoughts…stay tuned!