I just woke up seeing a name on my email, in my mind. And I sat up and felt something so strong, but confusing. And I also awoke with a nasty stomach ache.

Let me backtrack a little though…back in…hmmm, maybe 1991, a friend of our family lost a loved one to a heart attack. He died in the middle of the night, and that same night, right around the time it happened (we would later hear), our clocks went haywire in our house. All the digital clocks were messed up, and as it turned out, my sister was getting up to take a shower since her alarm went off. She was usually up first to get the hot water first thing. But it was only 2:30 am.

He was a charismatic and charming older man, and a lot of fun. We had really only just begun to know him. And that leads me to his wonderful wife. She moved up to be with her son and his family, my parents’ best friends. I remember thinking how her sadness was present, but not all consuming like I may have expected. She eventually got a dog, her new companion, and became a warm and nurturing presence in all our lives.

She passed away a few days ago. She had her family all around her, and she was nestled in her bed at home. She was a kind and funny and adorable woman. I hadn’t spent much time with her in these last years, but in my teen years and early adulthood, she was a consistent presence when I’d come home for holidays, or stop home during college for a family visit. She was always smiling, laughing, and friendly.

So where am I headed? I don’t believe in God, Jesus, Heaven…I do believe in energy of those that have touched our lives. And though I can’t really explain any of it, I think the name that came to me and the stomach ache I have is related to the loss of this sweet lady. Not sure what to make of it really, and it makes me worry. Makes me a little fearful that something bad might happen to that person…so I will do what I always do: I will be me. (Translation: I will reach out to that person and make sure they’re okay and let them know anything that comes to mind.)