I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my friends, past and present. Last weeks therapy appointment got me thinking about past patterns of behavior. And I had one of those “aha” moments…

Early rejection left me wary of connecting with people. I would hide myself, make myself small until I had a reason to open up. And then once I did, I was all in, attached to the point of …excess.

That feeling of acceptance and interest became, well becomes, like an addiction at times, and can be detrimental to the relationship in the end. It wasn’t always that way, but I can think of a few specific examples off the top of my head. I don’t always take the time and effort to feel things, when I do though, it’s deeply. I hold on tight and dig in. The closer the connection, the tighter I hold on…And sometimes it’s a good thing…sometimes.

Now that I’m aware of it all these years later, I just have to learn to live with it, making adjustments when I can. As I accept me, hopefully others will too…lucky for me, some already have!

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