I just had a long chat with my mom. I had a new book on the table that I’m very excited about but never imagined it was up her alley, but she says, “oh, can I borrow that when you’re done?” Cool. It’s one of those being vulnerable and brave books.
After that we chatted a bit about my therapy and what I’m discovering about myself. I admitted that I’m a lot like a rock…when I get overwhelmed, I sink and wallow. My mom has always been a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kinda person. I’ve always wondered about that, how does she do it? Well, we got to talking and she was saying that when she was a kid, the oldest of 7 at the time, it was all about survival. Looking back for me, it was all about fading out and not making waves.
Anyway, I found myself admitting to her, which is not like me, that I’m afraid to be myself without the benefit of leaning on friends. I am afraid if I loosen my grip on my supportive people, that I can’t be better on my own…but how will I know if I never try, right?
I have often found that I do this with people, especially those friends that lift me up and make me feel happy, confident, and worthy. How do I let myself be brave enough to let go? I’ve got to find a way before I drive them away…