“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper; but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”
Chicago PD…this was part of a eulogy for a young addict who was killed. Her brother said it, as he felt he let her down. He follows it up with this:
“It’s a lie …you can’t just recite a passage, say a few Hail Marys, and then wash away your sins…we shouldn’t be able to…we should be required to carry around our sins for the rest of our years…all the pain and guilt too. We need to feel them so we can do better next time, so we can be there the next time someone screams for help.”
And what he followed it with resonated, though I don’t necessarily agree. I think we need to carry our mistakes, our guilt, our sins while we process them and learn from them. But I think once we have learned a lesson or gleaned some kind of meaning, you have to set it down. If you hang onto it, you become stuck…so carry it for awhile, learn from it, and then let it go…
So my dear friend, the one who kickstarted my unraveling, whose kindness rekindled that fire in my soul, who can’t be in my life anymore…I thought he crafted a scenario to hurt me. I was wrong. I hurt him with my assumption and he hurt me with his insensitivity.
Here’s the thing…in the midst of one of my down periods, this was happening. At that time, I had been begging my dear friend to come see me, give me an opportunity for closure. There were some unresolved things, and as mentioned in previous posts, I like to peck at things. Anyway, he typically shuts down and just moves onto the next thing.
But just weeks later, he finally agreed to see me. We had a chance to talk out a few things, catch up a little, and honor our friendship for the authentic and inspirational experience that it was. We parted as friends, with a smile and a wave. And now I feel like I can finally let him go. I know that he will always carry me with him as he navigates relationships, parenting, and struggles. I know he will be alright.
(And yes, I say love, because there are many kinds of love…friendship is love)